For many of us, the conversations we didn’t have growing up shaped us just as much as the ones we did. When it came to sex, desire, and the body, silence spoke volumes. The Church may have taught us that our bodies were temples, but few of us were ever given a blueprint for what that meant. We knew what not to do. We didn’t always know why.
And now, we’re raising children in a culture that is anything but silent. The world is speaking—boldly, consistently, and without restraint—about identity, gender, sexuality, and desire. The question is not whether our kids will learn about these things. It’s where they’ll learn, and who will shape what they believe.
As Christian parents, we cannot afford to stay quiet. But we also can’t afford to speak from a place of fear, shame, or overcorrection. What our kids need isn’t more control. They need more clarity. They need vision. They need the better story—spoken with honesty, grounded in Scripture, and filled with grace.
Start Early. Speak Often. Keep the Door Open.
Talking about sex and the body isn’t a one-time conversation—it’s a lifelong dialogue. The earlier we begin, the easier it becomes for our kids to come to us later when the questions are bigger and the stakes feel higher.
That doesn’t mean we start with all the details at once. It means we build a foundation early—using age-appropriate language, inviting curiosity, and naming things with truth and without embarrassment. God made their bodies. That’s worth celebrating. And when we talk about them with reverence, our kids learn that these conversations aren’t off-limits—they’re sacred.
If we want to be a trusted voice, we need to be a consistent one. When something awkward comes up on a screen, in a school hallway, or in a conversation with friends, we need to be the kind of parents our kids want to bring that to—not the ones they feel they need to hide it from.
Teach Design Before You Correct Behavior
Too often, conversations about sexuality focus on boundaries before we ever explain design. We hand out rules without offering the reasons behind them. But our kids are smart. They don’t just need guardrails—they need a map.
Biblical sexuality is not built on repression. It’s built on intention. God created sex, and He called it good—within the context of covenant marriage between a man and a woman (Genesis 2:24). This is not an arbitrary rule. It’s a reflection of God’s nature: faithful, creative, committed, and covenantal.
If we teach that desire itself is shameful, we set our kids up to feel broken just for being human. But if we show them that their longings are part of a sacred design—something meant for intimacy, unity, and worship—they’ll begin to see sexuality not as a threat to holiness, but as something to be stewarded within it.
Don’t Just Say “Don’t”—Say “Here’s Why”
It’s easy to tell our kids what not to do. But if that’s all we say, we risk reducing God’s design to a list of restrictions. We miss the beauty. The meaning. The purpose.
When we say, “Don’t have sex before marriage,” we need to follow that with, “because sex is powerful, and sacred, and meant to be a picture of covenant love.” When we say, “Dress with modesty,” we should also say, “because your body is worthy of honor—not because it’s dangerous, but because it reflects the image of God.”
God’s boundaries aren’t about deprivation. They’re about direction. He’s not keeping good things from us—He’s keeping good things for us.
When we explain the “why,” we help our kids understand the heart of the Father behind the commandments. And when they understand the heart, obedience stops feeling like a burden and starts looking like wisdom.
Use Scripture, Not Shame
It can be tempting, in moments of fear, to fall back on scare tactics. To use guilt as a motivator. But shame doesn’t lead to holiness. It leads to hiding. And the goal of these conversations isn’t control—it’s connection.
Instead of saying, “Don’t mess up,” we can say, “Let’s talk about what God says is good—and why it’s worth protecting.” Instead of focusing solely on sin, we can focus on identity: You are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). You are not defined by your mistakes. Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19–20). You are not alone in your struggle. You are deeply loved—even when you fall.
Scripture is clear: God is a God of compassion and grace, “slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love” (Psalm 103:8). He doesn’t meet our failures with rejection—He meets them with mercy. “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:12). His love is not fragile or fleeting. It is rooted in who He is. “There is no fear in love,” John reminds us, “but perfect love drives out fear” (1 John 4:18). And Paul tells us, with unwavering confidence, that “neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future… nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38–39).
These are the truths our kids need when they’re confused, curious, or even ashamed. They don’t need to be scared into obedience. They need to be reminded of who God is, and who they are in Him.
Scripture gives us the framework we need—not to condemn, but to disciple. To help our children not only understand what to do with their sexuality, but to walk in freedom as people who are known, forgiven, and loved.
Leave Room for Questions—and Make Peace with the Tension
Your kids are going to ask hard questions. Some of them you’ll be ready for. Some of them will challenge you. And that’s okay.
You don’t need to have all the answers. But you do need to be willing to walk with them through the tension. There may be moments where their questions stretch your theology, your comfort zone, or your assumptions. Let them. That’s part of spiritual growth—for them, and for you.
The goal isn’t to raise kids who never struggle. The goal is to raise kids who know where to turn when they do.
Speak from Redemption, Not Regret
If you have a complicated sexual history, or if you’re still untangling what purity culture taught you, it can feel intimidating to have these conversations. You might wonder if you’re disqualified from speaking truth. But here’s the good news: you’re not.
Your story—when shared with humility—can be a powerful tool in your child’s discipleship. You don’t have to pretend you got it all right. You just have to point to the One who made it right. Redemption is a better teacher than perfection ever was.
Don’t let your past silence you. Let it equip you to speak with compassion, with conviction, and with the kind of wisdom that comes from grace.
Final Word: There’s a Better Story—Let’s Tell It
Our kids don’t need a list of dos and don’ts. They need a theology of the body that speaks with clarity, compassion, and courage. They need to know that their sexuality is not outside the reach of the Gospel—that it, too, can be surrendered, redeemed, and lived out in holiness.
We cannot protect our children with silence. But we can equip them with truth. And when that truth is wrapped in love—not fear—they’ll be far more likely to receive it, remember it, and return to it when it matters most.
We have the better story. Not the easiest one. But the truest one.
Let’s tell it.
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